Ahmed does it again. Future suggestions for Muslim Talk on WMNF

"Why do you wear the hijab, are you suppressed?" (Asked Ahmed in mocking tone)

Ridiculous question Ahmed. It disrespects those women who really ARE forced to wear hijab/burqa/niqab/abaya, and denied any rights at all. For this exists. Let us not forget the incident in Saudi where little girls were denied from escaping a burning building because they were wearing their camisoles.
"The religious police are widely feared in Saudi Arabia. They roam the streets enforcing dress codes and sex segregation, and ensuring prayers are performed on time. Those who refuse to obey their orders are often beaten and sometimes put in jail." http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/1874471.stm
Ahmed I want to share with you something. I am tutoring these two kids whose parents are Muslim, I believe the husband is Iranian/Brazilian, while the wife is Jordanian Palestinian. The wife is young (26) with three kids and lately she is feeling a bit overwhelmed and troubled. I know because she tells me during our Arab coffee moments outside on her patio. She says that her husband wants her to wear a headscarf; he argues that she is "old" now and has three kids. She wears western clothing; she shops at Ann Taylor and Banana Republic---shops known for their modest and classical styles. As a Muslim woman, she married as a 17 yr old (arranged) and is now a homekeeper--cleans the house, takes care of the kids and makes foods for seven mouths (sometimes 8, she likes feed me her Arab food). Then she tells me that she wants to go to school, and get an education. She wants to know history--she even admires my freedom wishing in a way that she had my life. At the same time she says that she will probably eventually wear a hijab, even if now she says that she doesn't like it.
I feel that I want to help her resolve her contradictions by giving her some literature. She only reads the Koran, and proclaims to be very religious. She reacted in disbelief when I told her that I did not believe in god, that I only believe in the possible good will of people, and the powers of nature from a scientific point of view. I thought that I might give her a copy of John Stuart Mill's on "The Subjection of Women." Then I thought it would be too difficult for her. She has limited knowledge of the English language when it comes to complex sentences and perhaps explanations of the more lofty ideas held by important thinkers. Maybe I should give her a copy of A Doll's House by Henrik Ibsen.
I do not see her husband as a violent man and I doubt that he has any malice in him, nor was he very religious himself. He drank alcohol before that was until she forbade him to drink when they got married. Now he wants her to cover. Typically, men do this because they might feel some pressure from other Muslim men. This here I think is a possible dilemma facing many Muslims living in Western countries: they seem to find it difficult to find a balance between their faith and a lifestyle they want to lead. And yet, she (the wife) may not understand what she is going through in academic terms, she knows that she is feeling that something is amiss but she does not know how to cognitively organize her thoughts, nor does she have any reference points that can lead/guide her other than the Koran. I think she needs some alternative stimulation. She tries to confide in her husband about these feelings but he brushes them aside saying "Oh (her name) always complaining even if you have a nice car, nice house, and can get nice things." We all know the cliché "money cannot be happiness;" and here the husband seems to fail in consoling her, and providing her with the possibilities of a remedy.

She has three sisters; one wears a hijab, barely speaks English and is a homemaker. Her other sister does not cover, wears a bikini and has an education; yet she still lives at home, and now her parents want to marry her with a successful something age 35, and she is only 23. The sister does not want to marry him. I told my Palestinian Jordanian friend, that her sister should pursue a career, and get a job (possibly move out of her parent's house). But she reacts in horror, saying that good Muslim girls do not live alone. I reflect upon the stories of her two sisters, and when she says that she eventually will wear a hijab I think that she is surrendering her free will because she feels somehow that she is in a impossible situation.

You might be asking. Why do you (I) feel that I have to "save" her? Well, I do not have to at all. But she has told me, confided in me and somehow I feel a sense of dread that this beautiful girl with the possiblities to fulfill her intellectual needs, might succumb into a role that will leave her sad, and without a sense of purpose despite what the Koran might be telling her about the glories of motherhood. Seriously, I get depressed when I come home from being in her house, and into mine; the contrast is difficult to bear. Her inner conflict adds on to my mental tug a wars about religion, culture and women in the scheme of things.

I also talked about this radio program that you and Samar host, but what will the discussion about the War between Israel and the Arabs tell her about her life, which I believe might be a endemic to many Muslim women? What can your program help her, but incite in her anger for hate crimes being purportrated against Muslims around the country? Or become increasingly critical of America as a hegemony and its role as "liberator" of the world? What I am saying is that perhaps your program could touch upon personal issues that somehow fall into a pattern within Muslim people's lives; connect to the Muslims that are not educated and not so well versed on political topics around the world. Perhaps you both could discuss literature on Muslim Talk; contribute with alternative Arab literature that perhaps talks about issues that pertain to men and women and their place in the world. I know about British literature and American literature, which provides examples of an array of possible female roles in society....provide questions like: Is family and motherhood the sole right path for all women, or just some of them? Is it a natural inclination or is it forced by societal norms? relgion? culture? what is it.

These are possbile topics that I and others like this Jordanian/Palestinian woman, would find intriguing from a point of view of Arab literati, artists and the like. (Not imams, not muftis) Then perhaps we non muslims might understand that Islam and Arabic culture actually is rich in cultural contributions providing examples of thought that are not only typical of Western culture but in fact prevalent in Muslim socities. Then my prejudices might be quelled. As long as you say that the topics I have previously refered is not Islamic, I am never going to be at ease. Only when you provide me (and others) with examples of alternative thoughts and ideas within the Muslim world that explore the inner world of humanity,outside the realm of a religious and political discourse, can intelliegent beings such as myself begin to process their thoughts along alternative routes that may take the "west v east" discourse along increasingly multifaceted, and multicultural ways.

What do you think Ahmed?

Ciara




":Nor is the hijab a good symbol for freedom. Throughout the Islamic world the hijab is often something girls and women wear because they're forced to — a symbol of restriction and intimidation, not freedom. Millions of women worldwide are daily threatened — and substantial numbers even assaulted, maimed, or killed — for refusing to wear whatever the local male authorities decide they should be wearing." http://rand.org/commentary/010504CSM.html